Did “YOU” truly happened?

Did “WE” ever really existed? I close my eyes and “WE” are there. But I look around and I find no evidence of “US”. Can I say “I miss you” if you never existed? Or do I miss the idea that I ever had you? I go to the rooftop and I kneel in front of the ghost of my deepest fantasies. Did you ever kissed me? Or was I kissing a dream? Did you ever hold me in your arms or was I flying alone in a fantasy? Were you ever inside me? Or was it my fingers playing your part? Did I ever swallow your love or was it just my thick saliva longing for you? Were you ever “HERE” between my legs!?!? Were you ever real??